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I thought I had it all figured out, but when God changes your plans, or when God interrupts your plans, it can make you question everything you thought you wanted.
Sometimes, things happen that make us question every plan we have for our future. And, sometimes God changes those plans to make you look at life from a different perspective.
That’s exactly what happened to our family at the end of 2018. I thought I knew what direction we were going. I had plans for our home, plans for my future, and plans for my children’s homeschool. Prayers were said over most of these plans, so they had to happen, right? Right, or so I thought.
But then, God laughed.
When God Changes Your Plans
I’ve had this blog for nearly a year now, but by last October I was thinking it was time to take it to the next level and get really serious about making it work for me and my family. This would be a great source of income, if I could just get it off the ground.
Having a home office to work in would be a dream come true for me. I decided that in about nine or ten months I’d start transitioning my youngest to a room he’d be sharing with his older brothers. It’s a large room, it could definitely work. I’d finally have my own home office to run my businesses from, craft from, and to use for homeschool planning. I was so excited!
One of my hall closets would be converted into an extra storage area for the community outreach program I operate out of a large closet at my church. Most all of my larger baby items stored in that closet would be sold or given away since we wouldn’t be needing them anymore…or would we?
I’d had problems with my monthly cycles for quite some time and had tried several natural methods to regulate my body to no avail. I’d used birth control pills and bio-identical hormones, nothing seemed to work. Finally, I’d decided to just stop it all after being on birth control (something I feel very strongly about not using due to personal convictions) for six months. I’d had enough of the side effects it was causing — higher blood pressure, swollen ankles, terrible cramping, and an agonizing premenstrual backache every month.
After being told by my primary care physician that I was going into early menopause, and by my obstetrician/gynecologist for 10 years that it was unlikely I’d get pregnant at my age, given that I had low progesterone, I decided to not really worry about my fertility. I mean, I’ve never really “worried” about it anyway. I’ve just tried to fix what was wrong with my cycles and I end up pregnant. My last three pregnancies were unplanned, but were while on progesterone to try and “fix” spotting and excessively long periods.
Anyway, I knew that birth control could make you more fertile for a few months after you stopped taking it, so I just kind of kept up with things for those three months. After that, I thought I was in the clear.
I stopped taking my multivitamins. Yes, I know, not smart, we always need vitamins. I was drinking several cups of coffee per day, not drinking near enough water, no exercise, unless you count cleaning house. All-in-all I wasn’t taking very good care of myself.
Major Life Changes Ahead
During December, a few days after Christmas, I sat down to have a glass of my favorite blackberry wine while watching an episode from my favorite series. I drank about a third of the glass and started getting very, very dizzy. My head was clear, I wasn’t drunk, I was just dizzy. I even told my husband something was wrong with the wine. This was my first indicator that something wasn’t right in my body.
I would soon find out, five days into the new year, that we were expecting baby number nine.
Being a mother of twins, my first emotion was panic. Would we get twins, AGAIN?
My second emotion was fear because I hadn’t taken very good care of myself and I’ve had low progesterone for the last six or seven years. So, naturally, I was afraid of having a miscarriage, having had two in the past prior to knowing I had low progesterone issues.
Emotion number three was sadness. I’m ashamed of that now, but it was very real at the time. I cried many tears and could hardly get out of bed for a few days, but I did, and I trudged on. I felt like my inner three-year-old was throwing a temper tantrum because she couldn’t have her way.
For those first few days, all I could see were the plans that I made going right down the drain.
When God Interrupts Your Plans
One day, while I was having a pity party and wondering why, I had a thought or maybe it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me, maybe it was God Himself. I can’t be sure. Suddenly, I became aware that when I gave my life to the Lord, my life became His to use as He sees fit. I trust His perfect will for my life and for the lives of my family. So, why would I not trust His perfect will for the newest member of our family?
This baby growing within my body wasn’t supposed to be here. (This was later confirmed by my OB/GYN, due to low ovarian function testing done a year prior.) So, how did this happen?
One word…GOD. I’ve tried to explain it to myself and I keep coming back to Him.
He knew the plans for my life and for this baby’s life well before I was ever born. I know this because Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Another verse that comes to mind is Proverbs 16:9.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
I can make all the plans I want to make, but if God wants us to take a detour, we’re taking a detour.
Coping with Changes and Transitions
I’ve accepted that in September, we’ll have a new baby to love and cherish. This hasn’t come without its own set of changes and transitions.
This pregnancy has been my most difficult. I’ve been diagnosed with pregnancy hypertension and gestational diabetes. I’ve never had either of those problems with previous pregnancies. So, I’m trying to make dietary changes to help me have a healthy pregnancy.
Transitioning to a lower sugar diet hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. Thank the Lord I haven’t had to completely give up chocolate. Haha!
Coping with the changes and transitions of this pregnancy is easier knowing that this may not have been in my plan, but it was in God’s. Trusting Him, even when I’m not so sure about my future, is where my faith finds its strength.
Remembering these 10 Things to Remember When Life Happens is helping me. I hope they help you through whatever you’re going through right now too.
If you are going through something right now that’s too big for you to carry on your own, send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org. I’d like to help pray you through your storm.